My beloved
by ItsOverWhenItsOver
Summary: "I was twenty years old when I died..." Fred Weasley was born twice. Once as the son and brother tragically lost, and a second time, trapped inside the mind of his twin brother's daughter. Then something happens to Roxy. Something so terrible that it jolts him out of his silence. [Rated T, but contains mature themes. I trust people to know what what they can deal with]
1. Chapter 1

**Beloved**

**((Rewrite of my first ever story, 'Beloved', although I had to change the title to 'My beloved', because apparently you can't have two stories under the same name. Currently, the other version is still up, but it _will_ be taken down as soon as I've used the number of hits it has as evidence of how great I am (jokes) to get into this sixth form I want to go to. A lot is going to change in this version, spare the main ideas and plot. Constructive criticism is always welcome, and I'd just love any reviews, or anything. So yeah, thanks, and I'll let you go read now :))**

"Roxanne Weasley." George sighs gently as he strokes his daughter's hair, smiling at her. "When did you get so gorgeous? I swear, it shouldn't be allowed."

The sixteen year old giggles, but doesn't agree. She's too short, with frizzy black hair that sticks up everywhere and is impossible to brush. Coffee coloured skin doesn't match freckles, and she's past the stage of trying to coat her face in enough foundation to hide them completely. Why does everyone care about being beautiful anyway? Roxy doesn't want to be like her cousins, with their perfectly straight hair and flawless patina, especially Dominique, flawless Veela.

Releasing Roxy from his tight embrace, George turns to his son, Freddie. Freddie II.

"Are you going to tell me how pretty I am now too, Dad?" Fred pouts, tilting his head to the side and fluttering his eyelashes, winking at a group of fourth year girls who giggle as they pass by us, heading towards the train.

George's grin spreads. "Actually, your mother asked me to tell you that this year there's going to be no more messing around. We've agreed: NEWTs come first." With that, he pulls a face and laughs, "Well, by agreed, I mean she yelled at me and I said yes, but the point still stands." Reaching forwards and ruffling his son's hair lightly, he laughs once more. "Try not to get into too much trouble, kiddo."

"Me? Trouble?" Freddie's tone drips with sarcasm, "Surely you're getting me mixed up with someone else."

"Yeah, yeah." George sighs, "Just promise me you're not going to flood the Great Hall again. McGonagall's cranky enough without a broken neck."

Fred giggles.

"Hey, it's only funny until someone gets hurt."

"Yeah, then it's hilarious."

Roxy rolls her eyes, turning away from her Dad and brother's playful bickering and looking around for someone to save her. Her eyes come to rest on a tumult of bushy red hair floating somewhere about a foot above every other head on the station, retreating away from her quickly on legs that ended at the height of Roxy's chest.

"OI ROSE." Rox bellows, charging after her cousin and ignoring George's sighed, 'Bye! Love you too, honey.'

The redhead spins around, grinning widely.

"ROXY BABY." Rose throws her arms up into the air over her head and pulls Roxy into a tight hug, lifting her off the ground. "I've missed you!" She gasps, "Where've you been?!"

"Oh, you know- around." Roxy laughs as her giant of a cousin plonks her back down onto her feet and giggles.

Rose is staring at her with a mischievous expression, leering very slightly. "Go on then. Who is he?"

Roxy's confusion is evident, and she stares back at Rose blankly. "What?"

"The guy. Come on, do you think I'm stupid? I've seen you twice this whole holiday. Who is it?" She glances around them, grinning.

Despite there not being anything to tell, Roxy can't help but blush.

"OH MY GOD, IS IT SCORPIUS MALFOY?!" Rose exclaims with utter glee, her grin revealing the braces her grandparents, wary of magical dentistry, had enforced. "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!"

Roxy snorts. "Where in the name of Merlin did that come from? Scorpius- What?!" She's doubled over, laughing hysterically and so mortified she's gone bright red from ear to ear.

"YES. ROXY'S IN LOVE WITH SCORPIUS. ROXY'S IN LOVE WITH SCORPIUS." Rose chants as she dances around us, waving her gangly arms in the air.

Finally managing to get a hold on herself, Rox grabs hold of one of Rose's flailing arms and giggles. "You know, Rose, I have a few problems with that statement." She pauses for dramatic effect, and then continues, "First of all- No. Secondly- No. And thirdly- I'd never betray you like that." She gazes at Rose solemnly, nodding her head.

Now it's Rose's turn to be confused. "What?"

"Rosie, you've been in love with Scorpius since you were eleven years old. Please, don't even bother-"

"Hey!" Rosie shrieks and playfully bats Roxy's shoulder, sending us flying. Rose is one of those people who's never going to realise their own strength. But then, when you're sixteen and six foot seven, there's not really that much hope for you.

"Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry!" She mumbles as she painfully grasps Roxy's arm and hauls us back to our feet, "I didn't mean to, really, I'm so sorry."

Roxy mumbles incoherently, rubbing her bruised shoulder, and smiling reassuringly at Rose, trying to convince herself that it hurt less than it did. "I'm fine, I'm fine." She dusts off her legs and smiles again, "Really, it's fine."

"I'm sorry, I'm such a disaster. I shouldn't be allowed out of the house. I'm a public health hazard." Rose moans miserably.

"Who's a public health hazard?" There's a sudden blur of red, and a tiny figure materialises at Rose's side, grinning. "Surely not you, Rosie."

Rose chuckles, smiling down at the midget. "'Fraid so, Luce. They've got the test results back and apparently I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life tied to a bed for the safety of the rest of the world."

"Could be worse," I don't know when Dominique arrived, but she's stood at Roxy and I's side, two brand new pink streaks in her dirty blonde hair and black kohl smeared around each of her eyes. "You could always be Hagrid."

"I guess." Shrugging, and exhaling deeply, Rose turns around, "C'mon, I guess we should go get on the train before I trample any first years."

Roxy laughs, and reaches up to pat Rose on the shoulder. "You guys go on. I left my trunk over with Dad. Save me a seat."

The others nod as she jogs away, back towards where George stands holding her trunk steady, obviously having been waiting for her return. Freddie's disappeared somewhere, most likely having found James and run off to prank Muggles using the latter's invisibility cloak.

"I was wondering how long it'd take you." George grins down at her with that oh-so-familiar smile. The smile that one upon a time was my smile, too.

I should probably explain. My name is Fred Weasley. Fred Weasley the first. You'll recognise it from the faded war memorials and broken, stopped hand on the Weasley family clock. I was twenty years old when I died, and, had I survived, I would have been 26 when I was born for a second time.

Don't bother asking me how it happened or why, because I don't have a clue. When I died, it took less than a heartbeat, less than a second, before I felt my eyes open once more.

That's just it though. I didn't open my eyes: I felt my eyes open.

Tiny limbs reached forwards without my permission, grasping at the air until, after a few seconds, I felt my fingers catch around something, and grip on. Squinting through long black eyelashes, I could see a face hovering above mine. A very familiar face.

"Georgie." I tried to croak, my mouth staying resolutely closed. "Georgie I'm-"

"Congratulations Mr Weasley, Mrs Weasley. You have a baby girl."

If I had been in control of my own heart, it would probably have stopped then.

"Roxanne." George cradled me in his arms, holding me close to his face and kissing my forehead with cracked lips. "My little baby Roxy."

Everything went black.

The first five or six years of my second life were a nonsensical blur. Feeling Roxy learn how to walk and talk, listening to her mind develop and gradually start to form conscious thoughts. Once I realised I could hear what she was thinking, I spent days and months screaming at her silently to listen to me. But there was nothing I could do. I was trapped like a prisoner, seeing what she saw, hearing what she heard, and feeling what she felt. I went through stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, finally, acceptance. I've come to a point when I know that there's nothing I can do. Roxy doesn't know me, she never has. I'm a stranger to her, just a name on a war memorial, the reason her Dad won't celebrate his birthday or smile at Christmas. I'm a ghost.

Roxy waves enthusiastically at her Dad as the train pulls out of the station, but her heart really isn't in it. Like most of the other pupils on the train, she exhales the annual sigh of relief as parents and family members vanish out of sigh and out of mind.

"Hey Freddie," Roxy calls, without looking up from the window. "He's gone. It's safe for you to read now."

"Don't bother," Rose's voice from beside her is ominous, "It's begun."

"What-?" Roxy's head snaps up, to be met by the sight of Freddie and a familiar, jet-black haired Slytherin, their mouths locked together. "Oh for Pete's sake."

In the last year, Freddie had given up his playboy lifestyle of snogging anything that walked, and been in a relationship with Julian Nolan. He's in Freddie's year, and to be perfectly honest, I don't trust him. Not one bit. Neither does Roxy. It's not anything Julian's done besides being a bit of a tosser, and she probably wouldn't be able to explain it if anyone asked her, but the there's something about him that seems... wrong. She's never voiced her worries; she wouldn't dare, and she's doing her best to convince herself that it's just freaking her out how vulnerable her brother becomes when he's around Julian.

Rose, apparently, has had enough.

"STOP SNOGGING. THERE ARE CHILDREN ON THIS VEHICLE." She yells, lobbing her book across the compartment towards them, where Julian, without so much as looking up, reaches out a hand and catches it effortlessly, before pulling his face away from Freddie's with a resounding squelching sound, which Rose promptly mimics.

Fred, eyes shining as he glances almost shyly at Julian, licks his lips, muttering, "Some people are gay, get over it." He's quoting the brightly coloured Muggle posters that appeared around the school during his second year, and Roxy's first.

Rose rolls her eyes, taking her book back from Julian. "Your gender is not the issue, here, Fred. Some of us are going to have to die alone and don't need to be reminded of it by you two playing tongue-hockey every second of the day."

"Tongue hockey." Roxy muses. "Nice." No-one's really listening to her though.

Freddie and Julian are kissing again, and Dom, having been sat quietly in a corner with her i-pod for the journey so far, shoots them a resentful look.

"I don't know what you're looking so pissed off for, Domi." Rose laughs. "How come you aren't with Lorcan?"

Shrugging, Dom pulls her headphones out of her ears and sits up, tucking a strand of pink hair behind her ear. "Dunno where he is."

"Fair enough." Returning her gaze to the two snoggers sat opposite her, Rose pokes Fred with her leg. "Earth to Freddie. Earth to Freddie. Come in Freddie."

He doesn't respond, except to slide his hand around Julian's waist, pulling him closer.

"Eurgh. It's practically pornography. PORNOGRAPHY." Rose bellows at the two of them, startling two tiny first years passing outside the glass door of the compartment. They stare at her wide eyed for a few seconds, and then run away as she fixes them with an innocent smile.

"Oh Rose." Dominique shakes her head, giggling. "What on earth are we going to do with you?"

Rose shrugs, shaking her head. "I tried to get Dad to shrink me a bit over the summer, but he kept saying I'm perfect just the way I am." She pulls a face. "Mum sympathised, but she still said no."

"I'll do it if you like." Freddie and Julian have finally managed to tear their faces apart, and Freddie's sat with his wand raised. "We did self transformation last year. I was great at it."

Roxy furrows her brow. "Oh, would that have been around Easter-time, when you tried to turn your eyebrows blue and ended up with a bald face for three week?."

Freddie shrugs. "I've practised."

"Yes, I remember." Dom laughs, "Wasn't that why Percy had to go to St. Mungo's?"

"I was distracted by how much of a prat he is." Fred says casually, raising to his feet and advancing on Rose. "Trust me, it'll be fine."

Rose also rises to her feet, standing up to her full height, a full foot above the top of Freddie's head. "Fred Weasley if you so much as try."

He sighs, backing down and taking a seat, leaning into Julian's arms. "It's Freddie. Don't call me Fred." He mutters resentfully. "It's not my name."

I don't resent the kid for refusing to be called by my name. If I was him I'm insist on 'Freddie' too. I would never ever in my life -Well, while I'm still conscious of my own mind anyway- say that I hate George. He's my twin brother, my other half. But the way he treats his son can be utterly despicable.

Everything that George has ever wanted of Freddie is for him to be me. Aged five, Freddie was going to the shop with George every day. Aged seven, he had his own line of fireworks, and when Roxy came up with the idea for sweets that changed your hair colour, George patted her on the head and told her well done, crumpling up her childish sketches the moment her back was turned. I remember her running up to her bedroom, curling up into a ball and crying for hours.

Times like those, I should note, were the worst times for me. I could hear her every thought, feel the gut-wrenching disappointment in her stomach as she sobbed into her pillow, and there was absolutely nothing I could do. I'm the one person who understands every thought that runs through her mind and she doesn't even know I exist. I could scream at her all day long and she'd still never have any idea, although it gives us a headache if I do. She changes with my moods as well- If I'm feeling pissed off and frustrated, Roxy will act grouchy. As a child, Roxy was always pretty lonely, and now I'm sure it was because of my depression, before I managed to reach a stage where I can at least accept my situation. There are times now when I'm not even conscious of my own existence. I just unthinkingly watch Roxy's life go by, never so much as considering that I have the ability to so much as form an opinion outside of whatever goes on in her mind.

"Roxy." Dom's worried voice cuts into Roxy's thoughts, and she looks up slowly, linking. "You okay?"

The whole compartment is staring at her now, Fred's face in particular filled with concern. "Yeah." She exhales in a shaky laugh, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Rose moves forwards and wraps an arm around her cousin's shoulders, touching our cheek. "You're crying."

"I am?" Although it's a question, she doesn't sound remotely surprised. "Sorry."

Rose stares at her intently. "Don't apologise, Rox. What's up?"

Swallowing, and shaking her head, Roxy wipes the tears from her face. "I'm fine, I think- I'm just going to go get some air." She stands up, grabbing her rucksack from the luggage rack above her head and blinking rapidly as she slides open the compartment door, not looking back as she turns down the carriage and walks away as fast as she can without breaking into a run.

By the time she reaches the front of the train, our hopes of finding an empty carriage are all but dead. Her tears fall thick and fast as she approaches the very last compartment on the train, praying for it to be empty. It is, although someone's trunk has been left slung along the seats on the right hand side. She has bigger things to worry about now though, than who it belongs to and when they're going to return.

Sliding open the door and trembling as she steps through, she slams it behind her and drops to the floor, burying her face into the soft fabric of one of the seats.

"Why am I crying?" She whispers, lifting a trembling hand to her lips, "What's wrong with me, why am I crying?"

I wish I could wrap my arms around her, or even give her one word of comfort. But there's nothing I can do. Everything is my bloody fault. What's the point? Is there a god? Is this part of some bigger picture he's working on, by trapping me here? Am I supposed to spend the rest of Roxy's life like this? My only influence on the outside world an occasional teenage emotional breakdown? I wish, not for the first time, that I could die. But how do you die when you don't have a body of your own in the first place?

I hate myself for what I do to her, I hate it I hate it I HATE IT. I'd kill for one day in my own body again. I'd kill to just be able to lift one finger of my own free will. I want out. I want out of this right now.

Roxy's eyes are screwed shut as great sobs shake her body, and she curls up into a ball, pulling her rucksack off her back and grappling with the zip, tugging it open and trying desperately to find the small bottle that's been untouched in so long. She's wondering why now? What's happened? She thought she was getting better. It had been so long since last time and now everything's happening all over again.

"Roxy?" The confused voice arrives along with the sound of the compartment door sliding open. "Roxy what-? Oh balls."

Stong arms reach around her, picking her up off the floor and placing her gently onto the seat. "Okay Roxy, calm down, calm down, it's okay."

The deep, gentle, masculine voice is familiar, but can't quite put my finger on it. If Roxy knows who it is she's not thinking about it lucidly enough for me to tell, too busy sobbing hysterically into her hands.

"Roxy, I-" The voice begins, but Roxy cuts in.

"P-pills. I n-need my p-p-"

"Of course." We hear him rifling through her rucksack, and after a few seconds, the small, opaque glass bottle is pressed into her hands. "I'll get you some water, one second."

Another few seconds, and a large plastic bottle is pushed into her other hand. She fumbles to unscrew the lid, but it's hopeless, her hands are shaking too much. Eventually, both bottles are lifted out of her hands, and the seat moves downwards ever so slightly with the weight of somebody sitting down beside her. She upturns her trembling hand, opening her eyes a crack, but still unable to see through her tears. A pill is placed into the centre of her palm, and she holds it gently before tilting her head back and putting the pill into her mouth. It tastes disgusting, but she's already starting to feel better, her tears slowly subsiding. The now open bottle of water is lifted to her lips by the stranger, and she drinks gratefully, swallowing the pill and wiping her eyes on her sleeves.

"I'm s-sorry." She mutters, leaning forwards and blinking, trying to clear her vision. "I th-thought I was getting better, it's-"

"Hey. Hey. It's not your fault, Rox. Don't think it's your fault. Please. It's okay." A hand rubs her back gently.

Before she even looks up at him, I realise who it must be. Roxy's known all along, and she's not remotely surprised to herself sitting face to face with a man sporting bright, bubblegum-pink hair, turquoise eyes flecked with violet, and a patient, concerned smile. "No, Teddy. It's not. How is this okay? I can't- I can't."

Teddy Lupin. 26 years old and the son of Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin, born a few months before I died, although I never met him personally. He's a metamorphmagus, meaning he can change his body to his will. Hair colour, eye colour, the shape of his face, his height, everything. Being Harry's godson, he's always been relatively close to the family, and became even more so after he proposed to Victoire, Roxy's cousin and Dominique's older sister.

Everything was going great, and it looked as though Teddy was set to become a real part of the family. But then there was the car accident. Being a witch, Victoire shouldn't have even been using a car, nobody knows why she was. She had been on her way to a shopping centre with a Muggle friend, buying last minute accessories for her wedding, when a thirty tonne lorry ran straight through a red light 100 metres from her and Teddy's home. Neither of the two women in the car so much as had a chance. Since then, Ted's been a bit of a recluse. He comes to Weasley family gatherings, but he arrives late and leaves early, usually hiding out in the kitchen with Roxy and stealing whatever food my Mum's prepared. They aren't close, to be exact, but they enjoy each others company.

"Shh." Teddy sighs, pulling her into a gentle hug. "You're okay now. Everything's going to be fine."

Slowly, she turns her head and buries it into his shoulder, sniffing. There's a part of her that can't stand to be this pathetic, especially around Teddy.

Finally, when she's sure she's got a hold on her emotions, she picks her head up, looking at him warily. "What are you doing here?"

Her tone is a lot more demanding than she had meant it to be, but it doesn't look like he's offended. In fact, he laughs. "Guess who's your new potions teacher?"

"Oh my god, Teddy!" She exclaims, laughing with delight before sniffing delicately, "That's brilliant!"

"Actually," He winks, "It's Professor Lupin now."

Giggling, her bad mood dissolved instantly, she glances over at the trunk across the other side of the carriage, spying the gold lettering on the side. Professor T R Lupin: Teddy Remus Lupin. How did she not see that earlier? _Oh, that's right, because I was busy having a bloody breakdown_, she thinks irritably.

I press down my anger, knowing full well that letting my emotions get out of hand again isn't going to help the situation.

"So you're a teacher now?" Despite herself, Roxy snorts.

He backs up, offended, "Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" His eyes glint as they shift to pale green, and he laughs. "You don't think I can be a good teacher? Fuck you I can be a good teacher. I'll be a great teacher."

"First point- swearing at students." Roxy bites her lip, looking up at him through her curls, "Second point- you couldn't control a classroom full of slugs, let alone teenagers."

"You wait and see." He mutters, folding his arms. "I'll be the one laughing when everyone passes their exams. You'll see. You'll see!"

It's obvious he's just trying to cheer her up, but either she doesn't notice, or doesn't care. I'm thinking the latter.

Laughing with him, she looks up at the door to the carriage, wiping her eyes and realising that her face is smudged with Mascara. She curses, and reaches into her pocket for a tissue, wiping beneath her eyes and then looking back up at Ted, grimacing slightly.

"You look fine, love." He says gently, getting to his feet and going to the door, sliding it open and looking out of it, down the train. We can see him sighing. "Hey, Freddie!" He calls, "Stop pestering first years, she's fine. She's in here."

Roxy sets her jaw, and stares resolutely down at the ground until her brother appears in the doorway.

"Rox? What happened?" He plops down next to her, draping an arm around her shoulders and hugging her tightly, "You ran off. I was worried."

Giving him a reassuring smile and squeezing his hand, she shook her head. "I'm fine, it was nothing. I guess... I guess I didn't realise how stressed I was about coming back to school."

His eyebrows raise sceptically, but shrugs. "Whatever you say. You're okay now though?"

"I'm fine." She repeats. "Shouldn't you be with Julian or something?"

He rolls his eyes. "He's my boyfriend, not my Siamese bloody twin. Jules went to go find his sister."

"Wait, wait." Teddy shakes his head, confused. "Who's Freddie going out with now?"

Roxy says "Julian" at the exact second that Freddie says "No-one".

Teddy laughs, turning away and fishing around in his pocket, bringing out an apple. "You know if I'm supposed to be your teacher now," he says, in between large bites, "I really need to keep track of who's shagging who. This is going to be great. It's like one huge episode of Hollyoaks.

Pretending she has the faintest clue what 'hollyoaks' is, Roxy grins. "Sure. If you say so."

Teddy shrugs. "I've figured it all out now. I was born to teach. This is what my life's all about."

To his credit, his Father was the second best Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher I ever had. If you don't count Mad-Eye moody, who actually turned out to be some kind of psychopath.

"Look," Roxy mutters, getting to her feet, "I should probably go find Rose and get changed. We're nearly there." Nodding at Teddy politely, she picks up her rucksack, tucking her pills into the inside pocket and slinging it over her shoulder. "I'll see guys later. Good luck with the... teaching, Ted."

Conscious that her face is turning a deep red colour, she spins on her heel and exits the compartment, head down and heart thumping, wearing that childish smirk that only Teddy has ever managed to bring out.

_Sucks that he's your teacher now._ I tell her silently, knowing fully well she can't hear a word of it._ Still, worst case scenario he ends up in Azkaban and you get kicked out of Hogwarts. What could possibly go wrong?_

"No. Shut up. He doesn't even like me, that's-" She mutters under her breath, shaking her head and biting her lip, "No."

For one gut-wrenching moment I think she's replying to me, and then I realise she's just responding to her own internal monologue. My heart sinks.

Sighing, and rubbing her chin gently, she sets off back to her original compartment, steeling herself for Rose's predictable girlish outburst on the news of Teddy, and thinking about the year ahead. Yeah, maybe it looks like her bi-polar disorder is back with a vengeance, and Dom's surely not going to react well to Teddy being here, him bringing back painful memories of her sister, but... it's a new year. It's a new start for her, and this time,she's not going to screw it up.

* * *

**And there we go, chapter one finished!  
If anyone's reading this who's read my other version of this story, I think we can all agree that it was not the best written piece of work on the planet, but I'm feeling a lot better about this. I'm planning it all out, chapter by chapter, and I'm not going to let myself do that thing where I go off on a tangent like I did last time. I now have this BRILLIANT (and ever so slightly pretentious) editor named Zack, who gives me a kick up the arse every time I write something that makes no sense, but yeah. Hi. For anyone that hasn't read any of my other stories, I'm Hannah, and I'm just about the worst updater you will ever come across. I'm working on it though. Look, I have exams this week and I'm still here writing away! It's all for you guys! No, no I'm kidding, but I really should revise :/  
Anyway, moving onwards. Like I said at the beginning of the chapter: feedback. I NEED feedback. It's what I live off. Most people live off food but not me, I NEED REVIEWS AND FEEDBACK TO SURVIVE. Positive, negative, it doesn't even matter, just knowing that someone's taken the time to actually reply back with something feels amazing, you have no idea.  
So yeah, thank-you, and if you need anything else from me, or want to kick me up the arse and get me to update faster, just message me, either here or on tumblr :)  
Anyway I have a maths exam at nine tomorrow morning, and it's half eleven now, so...  
I'll aim to get an update on either Turned to Dust or Kiss Goodbye by the end of the week (It's a goal, okay? I can set myself goals. I might never achieve them, but... It's a goal).  
Thank-you so much for taking the time to read my story though, and I hope you have a great day,  
Hannah :)  
P.S. I wasn't kidding about living off feedback.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The first few weeks of school pass without any major notable events. Dominique has her heart broken, as does James. Freddie and Julian are put into at least seventeen separate detentions between them, for 'unnecessary displays of public affection', which Roxy finds hilarious. Herbology with professor Longbottom is as erotic as ever, with Rose commenting, "Oo-er, I'd be happy to grasp his mandrake firmly." All of this occurring much to his daughter, Gracie's, disdain.

"I'll tell you who else's Mandrake I wouldn't mind grasping," Rose mutters sideways to Roxy as they meander away from the greenhouses and back towards the school entrance.

Roxy butts in, smirking up at her cousin, "Oh, are you finally coming clean about fancying Scorpius? Really, I thought we'd never get it out of you."

"No you berk!" Rose thumps her rather hard on the arm, glancing around, "Shush, I don't- Ew, just no!" Her face has turned bright pink, her ears the shade of beetroot. "I was talking about our own _Professor_ Teddy Lupin." The way that she announces his title of 'professor', makes the position seem almost wistful. "You know I think he might even beat Longbottom soon with the amount of third-year girl fanclubs for him."

Eyes rolling, Roxy laughs. "They only want him because he's their teacher."

Rose shakes her head, shrugging. "I s'pose. What have we got next anyway?"

Pulling the scrumpled piece of parchment from her pocket, Rox squints at it, tilting her head very slightly to the side. It's become a yearly tradition for neither of them to bother learning their timetable. "Ooh!" She laughs delightedly, "Potions."

"Seriously? That's brilliant."

"What's brilliant?" Gracie, Neville's daughter, appears at Rose's side. "You guys heard the news?"

Roxy looks blank. "News?"

Rose, however, looks hopeful, "Has Scorpius dumped Chastity?"

Gracie frowns. "Yeah, he has, actually. I missed breakfast because I was trying to get her to stop crying."

"Oh crap." A hand flies up to Rose's mouth. "I didn't mean- Oh Merlin, is she okay?"

"She'll be fine." Roxy grips hold of her cousin's arm tightly and smiles at her reassuringly, "Don't worry about it. It's nothing Chas can't deal with, you know her."

Rose nods slowly, but I can bet you anything that she'll spent hours awake at night worrying about her jibe. It was a mistake, she couldn't have known, but kindness is so ingrained into Rose's DNA, it's difficult to tell where Rose stops and the kindness begins. Hey, maybe that's why she's so tall; maybe it's 5' 5'' girl, and 1' 2'' kindness. It would make sense.

Trying to find a way to get Rose's mind onto other things, Roxy turns back to Grace. "So what _was_ the news?"

Gracie grins, her chubby face lighting up, "Well, I was talking to my Dad this morning, and he says that they're brought ahead the Hogsmeade trip. It's gonna be this Saturday instead of next week."

"What?!" Rose squeals delightedly, "Brilliant! That's great! Oh merlin, yes!"

"What's Weasley orgasming over this time?" From behind us there sounds a slight, toothy drawl. There's no mistaking that voice. It belonged to his Father, and now it belongs to him. Swivelling, Roxy comes face-to-face with none other than Scorpius Malfoy.

He's seventeen, even though he's in the same year as Roxy, Rose and Gracie. His birthday's on the first of September, and somehow that's another thing that makes him feel superior to everybody else. Tall, one of the few people in the school to even come close to Rose, he's blonde, dishy, and has the ability to make any girl he pleases, especially Rose, go weak at the knees. Roxy can't see the appeal though. She's thinks he's... slimy. Can you describe a person as being slimy? If you can, then that's what he is. He's like Julian, both of them complete and utter-

"Aw, what's with the scowl, dollface?" Scorp runs his tongue delicately across his bottom lip. "Are you not happy to see me?"

Roxy doesn't bother smiling back. "Not even slightly. I think Rose is, though."

Her face burning, Rose manages what I presume she thinks is a flirtatious smile, but in reality makes her look as if she has trapped wind. "H-hey, Scorp." She puts a hand on her hip and steps backwards, smiling using only one half of her mouth. She looks utterly bizarre. "So how's it, uh, hanging?"

The poignancy of her sentence is somewhat debilitated when she trips over her own feet and goes sprawling backwards, swearing viciously as she reaches out to grab onto the nearest arm to try and steady herself.

Her being Rose, of course the nearest arm belongs to Scorpius.

They collapse in a heap, him on top of her and immediately scrambling to stand up again, glancing around to make sure that nobody saw the encounter. Holding her breath in a desperate attempt not to laugh, for Rose's sake, Roxy turns her head away as Scorp turns on his heel and runs in the opposite direction as fast as he can, his rucksack dangling from one arm and smacking against the wall as he skids around the corner.

Still desperately holding her breath, Roxy turns back to her cousin, expression sympathetic. Rose, however, is already on her feet, beaming.

"Did you see that?!" She gasps, staring between Rox and Grace, "Did you see that?! He called me 'Weasley'! He knows who am! He knows who I am!"

Laughing out loud, more in utter exasperation than hilarity, Roxy glances at her wrist, swearing. "We're five minutes late for potions, Te- Professor Lupin's going to _kill_ us."

"Oh Merlin." Gracie dashes away along the corridor, fixing her hair as she goes. "Hurry _up_!"

Rose raises her eyebrows at Roxy, before the two of them bolt after their friend along the corridor, neither of them having the slightest wish to get on Teddy's bad side.

* * *

"Rox, where are we going?" The red-head giant of a girl draws out the last word, every syllable dripping with exhaustion. "I thought you said we were nearly there."

Turning back to smirk at Rose, Roxy laughs. "We are nearly there. Look, it's just over this hill."

"Ugh." Rose makes a sound like a caveman. "Hills."

Eyes rolling, my host carries on, the muscles in her legs straining. "Come on, I can see it from here. How are you all the way back over there? You're legs are about five foot lon-"

"Hey! It's not my fault you're such a midget. Such a healthy, quidditch-playing, exercise-doing, able-to-jog-up-hills midget."

"Rose," She sighs, folding her arms as she waits for her cousin to traverse the last ten metres up the hill. "When was the last time you did anything active?"

"Um," Rose's answer comes between pants, "When I was seven I went on a walk."

Roxy's eyebrows shoot upwards.

"Okay, so maybe Dad tried to take me on a walk and I got ten feet from the house and then threw a fit until he let me go back inside." She averts her eyes, scouring the landscape in front of them. "Where _are_ we going then? What's the big surprise?" Her eyes fall onto the tall, crooked black building outlined by the bright sunlight.

She takes a step backwards.

"Oh _hell_ to the no. No way. Nope. No no no. I am _not_ going in there. Nope. No no no."

Hitching up her rucksack, Roxy rolls her eyes. "What? Are you _scared_?"

"Roxy." Rose's voice turns serious. "That's the shrieking shack. Aurors-for-parents 101: You do not go into creepy old abandoned buildings. _Especially_ the shrieking shack. You know there are, like, thieves and murderers and stuff in there, right?"

"Oh that's just what your Mum tells you because she's so overprotective." Roxy puts her hands on her hips. "'Sides, when your parents were our age they were fighting You-know-who. It's just a building, nothing to be scared of."

Rose shifts her gaze to the ground, frowning. "I'm not scared." She mumbles, "I just like being alive. Is that a bad thing?"

Sighing exasperatedly, Roxy grabs Rose and drags her down the hill towards the Shack. "Come on, what's the point in being alive if you're not going to do anything _fun_ once in a while."

Muttering under hear breath, Rose follows miserably behind Roxy, pulling her hood up to cover her face.

"Oh yeah, because if your Dad's got someone following you, that's really going to stop them from recognising you."

"Shuddup." Rose nudges Roxy, "If you were anyone else."

Stumbling over very slightly at her cousin's nudge, Roxy regains her footing and grins. "Yeah, yeah. C'mon. This is going to be so much fun."

Roxy isn't the most rebellious of teenagers, but she has her moments. She's never been as prone to trouble-making as Freddie is, and in her group of friends, she's generally the quieter one, but there's always going to be the part of Roxy that is me, and that doesn't love anything more than risking her neck on some stupid dare, or that sneaks into the Owlery just before breakfast and replaces the owl oats with a very strong laxative, and then conveniently sleeps in through the ensuing disaster. There's still a twenty galleon reward for anyone with information about the perpetrator of that particular prank. But who would ever suspect poor, quiet little Roxy? That's one of the advantages of being her. She might be George Weasley's daughter, but all anyone can see in her is Angie.

"Rox?" Rose's voice floats to her from up ahead, "You okay?"

Snapping out of her train of thoughts, and nonchalantly bringing a hand up to her face to make sure that there are no tears, she grins, running to catch up with Rose. "Sorry. What'd you say?"

Rolling her eyes, Rose shakes her head. "It doesn't matter." She turns her face skywards, and looks up at the shack, now towering above the two of them. Having something tower above her must be a new feeling for Rose, I think. "So how are we even getting in? I doubt you have a key."

Roxy smirks. "Don't you worry about that, Rosie dear, "I've done this before."

"Of course she has. Of _course_ she has. Of course Roxanne Weasley has broken into buildings before, why would I ever even consider that she hasn't?"

Ignoring Rose's sarcasm, she carries on towards the building, approaching the decaying wooden board nailed in rather crudely over the front door. The windows, too, are boarded up, giving the house a hollow, almost empty feel. If I could have shivered, I would have done.

"Roxy I don't like it?" Rose's deep voice trembles, and she grips Roxy's arm tightly enough to make her wince. "I really, really don't like it. Please let's go back, can't we go to Honeydukes again?"

Rox sighs. "You know there's more to life than chocolate? You can go back if you want, but I'm going in."

Rose gasps. "Going in?! Are you mad?! Freddie'll kill you. Your _Dad_ will kill you._ I'll_ kill you."

"It's just a building." She shrugs, "What's the worst that can happen?"

Trekking around the side of the house, searching for a weak spot to break into, she tunes out Rose's whining. Both of them have been stuck in Ravenclaw, but there's not a single cell in my being that doesn't believe that Roxy was born to be a Gryffindor. She's smart, yeah, but ever since she was three years old she's been as fearless as any Gryffindor. Angelina used to call her her 'little lioness', although of course she was supportive of Roxy's placement in Ravenclaw.

"I- I- R-Roxy, I'm going back to town. I can't stay here, I can't, I just can't-" Rose stands a few paces behind Roxy, the terror on her face absolute. "I can't- I can't- I'm-"

She turns on her heel and runs on legs that give her the impression of being a large grasshopper, her gangly elbows skewing out awkwardly. This is why Rose doesn't run.

"Wuss!" Roxy calls, cupping a hand to her mouth to make the sound travel further.

_Fine,_ she thinks, _that's fine, I don't need Rose. I bet she wouldn't be able to get through one of these windows anyway._

Feeling slightly bitchy, she carries on, smirking as she feels approaching the adrenaline rush that comes with rebellion.

Back in our day, me and George spent hours trying to find ways past the curses that guard the crumbling ruin. Why does it not surprise me that Roxy finds her way in in under ten minutes? Or maybe it's just that she had the foresight to bring a crowbar, rather than George and I's wands, and our limited third-year knowledge of curse breaking.

Of course Roxy knows the truth behind the shack. She wouldn't have been a Weasley if she hadn't spent hours stretched out on the sofa at the burrow, surrounded by her cousins, listening to Hermione's war stories, and Harry's tales of the Marauders. Roxy kind of likes that this place was built for Teddy's Dad. She wants to go inside and think about him, Padfoot, Prongs, gallivanting around the house, smashing up furniture and trying not to tread on Wormtail, the traitor, who might have been better off crushed under Harry's Dad's hoof aged fifteen.

"Ah, perfect." Roxy whispers as she wriggles in through the prised open window, shoving her crowbar back into her rucksack. "Child's-play."

In my defence, I'm pretty sure that the curses have been lifted since I was at Hogwarts, but still, the ease with which she managed to prise the board away from the window can only have been learnt through practise.

Landing delicately on the balls of her feet, sending up swirls of dust, she smiles, reaching into her pocket for her wand. "Lumos."

Even with the glowing ball of light, it still takes a few seconds for our eyes to adjust, and she gazes around, taking in her grimy surroundings with mild interest.

Her first thought is that this place needs a clean.

Her second thought, is that it still doesn't smell as bad as Freddie's bedroom.

Smiling at her own joke, Roxy takes a step forwards, raising her wand higher to bring into her view the entire room.

It's huge, most likely having been built to be a ball room. Something crunches underneath her foot, and she looks down to find the floor coated with thousands of tiny beads of glass, having shattered around the chandelier, which lies smashed in the centre of the room. Now this is far cooler than any old Muggle factory she's broken into before.

There's a bang from upstairs, and Roxy jumps, her hand flying to her mouth to stop her from gasping aloud.

Her breaths come in short gasps, and she stares up at the ceiling, every muscle in her body tense and ready to flee.

Absolute silence. Not even a whisper. She allows herself to exhale deeply.

Probably just a squirrel, she justifies to herself, yeah, just a squirrel, nothing to freak out over. Maybe it could be a bat? She wouldn't be surprised if there were bats in here.

"Breathe, Roxy, breathe." She whispers to herself, gripping her shaking wand as tightly as it humanely possible without snapping it in two.

In four steps she crosses the room, silently avoiding the largest fragments of glass and stepping neatly through the open doorway. Her fingertips graze the door-frame, coming away covered in a thin coating of dust.

Her ears prick up, but there's nothing to be heard apart from silence, and the sound of her own breathing. It's eerie, to say the least. She deliberates going back to the village to join Rose; evidently there's nothing else to see here. But then... Teddy's Dad. This place was _built_ for him. Roxy knows how much Teddy missed his parents, even having never met them. Being here, she's closer to his Dad than he'll ever be. Besides, it can't hurt for her to just go and have a look upstairs, can it? Can it?

No, of course it can't. Navigating the filth encrusted corridors, she glances into rooms abandoned in various states of disrepair. It's like a maze.

Right, left, through a set of double doors, left, back into the first room, backtrack, more doors, left, right, there!

In front of us stands a crooked set of stairs, crumbling and mouldy.

_Because they look safe,_ I think sarcastically.

Thinking along the same lines as me, Roxy tentatively places her foot onto the first step, flinching at the sound of wood splintering. Ever so slowly, she transfers her weight onto it, frowning. It holds, and she pauses for a few seconds, testing out the next step, before moving up onto that one. They're a lot more stable than they first looked, but it still takes her a good five minutes to reach the top, and there are two steps in a row that are completely rotted through, leaving Roxy to risk jumping over onto the next splintering stair. By some miracle, she makes it to the top unscathed.

Up here, the dust is even thicker, and she takes two steps before sneezing loudly, stumbling over a misaligned floorboard and swearing as she falls, dropping her wand, the thin fabric of her jeans ripping open at the knees. "Ah. Balls." She murmurs as she lifts herself to her feet, touching her right knee and feeling the wetness of blood. It stings badly, and Rose will probably freak out when she sees, but to be honest, we've had worse. Roxy isn't too concerned.

It's only when she bends to pick up her wand and notices the footprints that fear starts to well up in the pit of her stomach.

They can't be hers; they're too big, and there's definitely more than one set of prints. Lots of people have passed through here, and recently.

Oh crap. Oh _crap_.

_Roxy, it's time to leave._ I order her silently, trying to will her into the action, even though I know she can't hear me. _Roxy, go. Please._

She doesn't hear me, she can't. Her heart pounds as she takes one step forwards, and then another, slowly moving towards the door the prints lead to. Oh no. Oh fuck. Oh crap. _ROXY STOP._ I bellow at her as she reaches out her left hand to grip the doorknob, twisting it and pulling gently.

Terror wells up inside me and with as much force as I can I scream at the top of my lungs._  
_

Roxy stops dead.

Oh Merlin. Oh Merlin. Oh my Merlin.

_Roxy!_ I gasp silently, _You need to get out of here, please. please go now, please!_

"What the- Who?! What?!" Tears stream down her cheeks. She stares around, desperately searching for the source of the ghostly voice. "Dad?"

I don't get time to answer before the door in front of her is wrenched open all the way.

For a slit second, she locks eyes with the tall, grubby, grey-haired and bearded stranger, and then she turns on her heel and runs.

Her heart hammers. We can hear the blood pounding in her ears. There's a yell from behind us, and she screams at the feeling of someone grabbing her shirt.

Oh no, oh no, oh no.

She flies across the room, wrenching free of the grasping hands and tearing towards the staircase. The stairs groan under her heavy feet, but the first three hold.

Then she reaches the rotten steps.

Her foot doesn't even stop for a second. It's as if there isn't anything there at all. She simply falls forwards into nothingness, the rest of the wood splintering and smashing straight through as the rest of her body slams into it.

And then she's falling.

Unfortunately, there isn't long for her to comprehend the experience before she smashes into solid ground, her head thwacking into the floor, and the world slowly fading to blackness.

What happened when she woke up, she swore to herself that she would never recall to anyone.

I talked her through it, tried to comfort her, promised her that the pain was only temporary when they used the cruciatus curse, swore that it was going to end as they ripped off her trousers, cried along with her as the tip of a glimmering knife was dragged across her face, from just above her eye, along the curve of her cheek, and ending in a point at the corner of her lip.

When they're done with her, she lies quietly, face down on the grimy wooden floor, listening to them decide whether or not to kill her.

"She's not going to be able to hurt us. Look at her, she won't say a thing. She doesn't even know who we are."

"But they'll look for us. They'll have to."

"They're already looking for us."

"They'll look harder."

"As if they'll make the connection."

"They might. They'll ask her for descriptions of us."

"Wipe her memory?"

"That's no fun."

"Oh leave her be. She's just a kid. You've had your fun, she doesn't deserve to die. We were going to leave tonight anyway."

"I change in a few hours. If we pick somewhere new I can meet you there."

"Perfect. We just leave her then?"

"Yes. By the time they find her they'll be far enough away that they won't be able to find us."

"Good. We move out now then?"

"Unless there's something else you want to do first?"

"Well..."

A swift kick is placed to to Roxy's temple, and the blackness returns.

* * *

"Rose, please. Tell me this is a joke." That voice. It's so familiar. Oh so familiar. Please. Please let this not be a dream. "Why on Earth-?"

_Roxy._ I think, trying to figure out a graceful way to communicate. _Roxy, it's time to get up. They're here. Everything's going to be okay, but you need to move. You don't want them to find you like this._

Her fingers twitch feebly, but she doesn't reply.

_Please, Roxy._

"I don't understand. What would she want with this place?"

"I don't know."

Rose's voice, slightly more distant than Teddy's, but she's still close. Both of them are so close.

"Is that blood?" Ted's deep voice catches in his throat all of a sudden, and there's the sound of loud, heavy footsteps. "Roxy?! Roxy where are you?! It's me, Te- Professor Lupin, I'm here to help. Where are you?"

He sounds desperate. Rose's voice joins the calling, but the most that Roxanne can muster up in reply is a feeble, "mmm". Neither of them hear.

_Do something! What if they leave?!_

She can still hear me. She has no idea who I am, or why I'm speaking to her, but she can hear me. In any other situation, this would be a dream come true. In reality, it's all of my worst nightmares.

_Please! They won't find you!_

Apparently I'm doing nothing to help her. If anything my pleading is deterring her from action. Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

I don't know what I can do. What can I do.

If only...

Using every single ounce of concentration I have, I reach out with my consciousness, feeling the tips of Roxy's fingers, and, with an almost herculean effort, I clench her hand into a fist.

That's all I need. That's all I need to do to know that I can do it, I can take control of her body and make sure that they find her, that they can save her before, before-

"Help..." My voice, through her lips, is feeble. I'm out of practise for any kind of movement, and finding the right tongue shapes for the word doesn't come easily. "Help!" I manage to call, louder this time. "Help! HELP! I'M DOWN HERE! DOWN HERE! Quickly, please come- come-"

Black spots appear in front of her eyes, and I shut them quickly, suddenly dizzy. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to think. Everything hurts.

"ROXY." Teddy's voice sounds a lot more clearly, and as we peer through her eyelashes, past the blood coating her face, Roxy and I get a glimpse of a beam of silver wandlight. "Oh merlin, Roxy, oh fuck, oh-"

A pair of rough hands grip hold of her shoulder, rolling her onto her back. We hear a gasp.

"Oh _fuck_. Rose don't come in! I've found her, I've- Oh shit."

Her hair is brushed away from her face, sticky with blood and sweat.

"Okay. Okay." We can hear him trying to calm himself down and decide what the rational, responsible, teacher-like thing to do would be. Knowing Ted, he has no idea. "Alright. Rose, I need you to go back to the school and find McGonagall. Tell her that Roxy's been attacked, and I've apparated with her to St Mungo's. She'll know what to do."

Rose squeaks, and in the back of her mind, Roxy can picture her cousin's tear-streaked face.

"Please, Rosie, you need to stay calm. Do not speak to anybody else. Do not talk to anybody else. If somebody asks you where Roxy is, say you don't know. Go straight to McGonagall. Now, go!"

There's another squeak, and the sound of heavy, uncoordinated feet dashing out of the room.

_Oh no._ Roxy thinks, _Oh Rose. I'm so sorry._

Teddy's attention is now back onto Roxy, slapping her good cheek hard to bring her back to consciousness.

"Roxy." He announces clearly, enunciating each syllable, "Roxy, I need you to keep calm, and focus on me. Can you do that for me, please?"

With a feeble moan, she nods, eyelids flickering.

He presses his wandtip to her cheek, and murmurs a spell. Almost instantly, a deep, soothing feeling of coolness spreads throughout the whole of the felt side of her face. I can almost feel the wound closing up.

"Ugh." Teddy mutters. "It'll do for now. Okay, Roxy, I'm going to pick you up now, and we're going to apparate to the hospital. Do you understand?"

He waits for a few seconds, but she's too out of it to answer. I'm too busy trying to get through to her to be able to answer for her.

Swearing again, he hooks his arms underneath her armpits and her legs, pulling her up into a cradle and rising to his feet.

Automatically, without any conscious action from me or Roxy, her arms snake upwards around his neck, her face turning to burrow into his chest. Wanting- _needing_ the comfort of another human being.

"Oh Rox.." He whispers, voice thick with tears. "Everything's going to be okay, I swear. I swear it. We'll be at the hospital soon, and then-" There's a whoosh of air and the feeling of being pressed through a small tube. He's apparated. "Here, we're here. We can- HELP! LOOK, SHE'S INJURED, SHE NEEDS HELP, PLEASE."

In an instant we're surrounded by the bustling noises of hospital staff fussing and prodding, asking questions and swearing when Teddy answers that he doesn't know.

Roxy's body is plucked from Teddy's comforting arms and placed onto something hard and lumpy, but covered in soft blankets. She sighs.

Spells are muttered, numbing us and causing Roxy's brain, already hazy, to start to feel clouded over and murky. It becomes difficult to form thoughts.

"T-Ted." She manages to mumble, fighting to stay out of the blurry white mist. "Teddy stay withmeee."

Her voice slurs, and the last thing she feels before, for a third time today, the world fades to blackness, is a hand squeezing hers, his gentle voice promising. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

* * *

**WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!  
Okay, so, being the happy, wonderful person I am, I decided to give you all an update as a lovely Xmas present. And then, being the shitty updater I am, I finished it last night at eleven o'clock French time, in my apartment where I have no internet. Soooooo, one day late, MERRY CHRISTMAS!  
Now this hasn't been looked at by my little edity elves, so there's probably 10,000 mistakes and it doens't make sense, but I'm posting this in the ten minutes I have before I get dragged off up a mountain, so bear with me on this. I'll be back tonight to edit it properly and read back through it to make sure it makes sense and stuff.**

**Okaaaaay, so on the last chapter, I got a lot of feedback telling me to tone down the swearing. I did that, and I'm happy with that decision, because I know swearing too much is a problem I have in real life, and I'm working on that, so it makes sense to work on it in my stories too. So when I started off with the mindset of no swearing, I was happy with that goal, and I liked the way things were going and then... everything kind of fell to shit, didn't it? (quite literally). For the sake of emotional realism, there was a bit of swearing. If people feed back and tell me it's too much, I'll go back and change it. But apart from that, I've left in quite a lot of swear words.**

**Second thing, at the moment, this story is rated T, because I figure that the only reason people ever search 'M' is when they want to read smut, which this story isn't. On the other hand, realistically it should be rated M, so I'm going to think about that, and most likely change it to M.  
**

**Anyway, as I'm being screamed at right now, I'm going to have to leave you. I'll be back later on, and as always, reviews and feedback are absolutely brilliant. I love the response that the first chapter got, especially the longer reviews, but really, just any kind of recognition makes me so happy. I love it!  
Apart from that, thank-you for reading this far, and I hope you like the story.  
From Hannah :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"There is a castle on a cloud, I like to go there in my sleep, aren't any floors for me to sweep, not in my castle on a cloud."

That voice is beautiful. So beautiful. It's beautiful, achingly familiar, and oh-so comforting.

"There is a room that's full of toys, there are a hundred boys and girls, nobody shouts or talks too loud, not in my castle on a cloud."

No, wait. The voice I know is different. This voice is cracked and broken, choked through with tears. There are long pauses between each line of disjointed singing.

"There is a lady all in white, holds me and sings a lullaby, she's nice to see and soft to touch, she says - "

The beautiful voice cuts off, to be replaced by deep, guttural sobs.

She's crying. Angelina Johnson, ex-captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, fierce Angelina, self-proclaimed badass and the girl that once wrestled me to the ground for stealing her liquorice wand, is crying. And if I could, I would cry with her.

I can feel Roxy with me, but I have no idea if she can feel me here too. Maybe it was just for that short amount of time that we could speak. Maybe she can't remember me at all.

Desperation wells up inside of me.

_I know you're here, if that's what you're whining about._

I jump, and Roxy's fingers twitch.

"Baby?" Angelina's sobs cut out, and she clutches at Roxy's hand. "Roxy? Honey? Are you awake? Please, baby-"

_Now look what you've done!_

Roxy's own desperation is evident.

_I've- i don't want- I can't-_

_Oh hell,_ I moan, _stay __still, you don't have to talk to her. She'll think you're still asleep._

_She won't she won't she -_

"George!" Angelina's choked through voice cries, "Georgie quickly, wake up; she moved! She's waking up."

A startled gasp sounds, instantly recognisable as the sound George makes when he's woken up from a restless slumber. "Whassa- Roxy!"

At the sound of her Dad's voice, Roxy rolls onto her side, away from their voices, pulling her arms up over her head and curling into the foetal position, tears streaming.

I know what's wrong. It's obvious. She's terrified; she knows what George is like. She falls over and scrapes her knee whilst he has a nervous breakdown. Angelina has always been there to support her and Freddie when George is having one of his moments, but she's still a parent, and she still feels all of the parental instincts that come with discovering your daughter in a hospital bed, unconscious and with a gash the length of a wand down the side of her face.

Roxy doesn't want to have to deal with the two of them. She can't. Nobody could, even without having George for a Dad.

"Love, please-" George begins, but Roxy cuts him off with a strangled yell.

"Go _away_. I d-don't want you here, leave me alone."

Angelina lets out a long and calculated breath. Too shaky to be a sigh, but far too long to be a normal breath. She sounds like she's in pain.

"Sweetie," Angelina starts, her tone firm and reassuring, "if what you want is for us to leave, then we promise we'll do whatever you say."

George tries to protest, but she silences him.

"You mean the world to us, and if you're not ready to speak to us yet, we understand and fully support that. We'll go."

Roxy winces at the harsh sound of a chair being scraped back along the floor, but doesn't try to stop her parents from leaving the room.

"We can send in a nurse if you want? Is there anyone you want to talk to? You've been out for five days. Teddy's gone back to school, but I know he'll be back in a few hours, probably with Freddie, Grace and Rose? Do you want to talk to any of them?"

No, she doesn't. She wants to talk to her Mum. She wants Angelina to hold her and tell her just how much she loves her, and that everything's going to be okay in the end. How can she say that, though? How can she tell George to go and Angie to stay? He'll be crushed.

"I..." She pauses awkwardly, "we love you, please don't forget that."

Roxy sobs gently as the door swings shut behind them, her arms wrapped around herself.

_Shh, hey, it's going to be alright. They love you. Everything's going to be okay in the end._

I try to comfort her, but I don't get the feeling anything I say is going to make even the slightest bit of difference.

_You're safe here. It feels bad now, but in a while these'll just be memories. You'll be back at Hogwarts and I promise everything's going to be okay._

I can feel her listening, taking in my reassurances despondently.

_Think about it like this. Five days gone, right? It's a Thursday. Rose, Grace, everyone else - guess where they'll be._

She doesn't reply.

_Double charms. With Grimble. __And w- you're here in this lovely warm bed, no school, no exams, no psycho teachers screaming at you for breathing too loudly. I'm telling you, this is the good life._

She giggles feebly, relaxing slightly and rolling over onto her back.

_You're not so bad for a hallucination._

I try not to let her see how much that bothers me.

_Happy to be of service. You feeling any better?_

She nods gently, wiping her eyes and sitting up.

We're in a small room, typical of most hospitals. Our bed is sided by a drip, although it's not connected up to Roxy. There's a bleeping heart monitor beside her, and as she watches it, the bleeping begins to speed up ever so slightly, her breath catching in her throat. As she looks straight ahead, though, she catches the eyes of her reflection in a huge flat screen TV.

Roxy gasps.

She knew her face had been cut. She knew it had been bad, but not for a second did she expect to meet this upon confronting her reflection.

The left side of her face, her previously average, but in no way unpleasant, face, is contorted, slashed in two by a deep gash. Even in the vague shapes visible in the TV screen, it can't be missed. Aren't wizards supposed to be able to heal things? Even Roxy herself knows basic healing charms. She has bleary memories of Teddy pressing his wand tip to her cheek, murmuring a healing charm and swearing.

The heart monitor going wild beside her, she lifts up her fingertips, pressing them against the protrusion and running them down the ridge. She winces only slightly as she touches the softer, tender corner of her lip, where the tear ends.

"It's only going to be like that for a few more days," a quiet, gentle but reassuring voice pipes up from the doorway. "Your friend Teddy did a fine job, but since it was incomplete we need to give it a few days to finish healing over so we can deal with it without leaving any scarring."

A nurse - young, skinny, black hair and skin slightly darker than Roxy's - strolls towards us, studying a clipboard in her hands, flipping over a sheet of paper.

"Please don't worry yourself about the cut; you're going to look exactly the way you did before. You won't see a difference, I promise. My name's Caroline, by the way."

Roxy nods her thanks shyly, smiling.

Caroline carries on, perching herself on the end of Roxy's bed and looking down at her over the top of silver reading glasses, "I think that's everything I have to tell you regarding injuries and the like. Physically, you're going to be absolutely fine." She pauses, exhaling and removing her glasses completely, "mentally - It's just going to be a case of how you are, how you feel, and what you think we can do to help you."

"Huh?" Roxy's mouth hangs open, not fully understanding what she means.

"You have a history of mental illness," Caroline's voice takes on a tender tone. "I'm sure you understand that at the moment, we're concerned about your psychological welfare. You're sixteen years old, and you've been through hell. That's what I'm here for. I'm your new therapist."

_Great. Fantastic. Another one._ She thinks sarcastically.

"What happened to Amy?" She demands, referencing her old therapist, the very _very_ pregnant lady who she has to admit wasn't the least cool person on the planet.

Caroline smiles, the corners of her eyes crinkling up, "Amy gave birth to her son last week."

"Oh," Roxy can't deny her surprise. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine. It's a boy - Jude. He's healthy too."

A grin spreads across Roxy's face. "That's.. If you see her will you tell her congratulations. I'm really happy for her."

Caroline nods, smiling back. She's silent for a few seconds.

"So, why don't you tell me how you're feeling?"

She phrases it as a question, but it's something that Roxy's long used to.

Roxy stares down at the bedsheets, trying not to look like she's sulking, "I feel... fine. Really, fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine."

The two women hold each other's gaze, Roxy's eyes narrowing very slightly.

"Being fine is not the same as being happy."

Roxy doesn't have a retort for that one.

"I-" she begins, closing her mouth and sitting back, frowning deeply. "Do you expect me to be happy?"

Caroline presses her lips together, watching Rox intently, "I try not to expect things. What if what you expect to happen is exactly what happens? Where's the fun in that?"

"Can you not pretend not to be a shrink?" Roxy asks nonchalantly, "it gets on my nerves."

Caroline raises her eyebrows, "What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to leave."

Her disappointment is evident, but she rises to her feet nonetheless, "Do you want me to send in your parents? Someone else?"

"I'm fine."

"You've said."

We watch her leave, Roxy turning her nose up and pretending to be fascinated in a vase of flowers on her bedside table. As the door swings shut behind her new psychiatrist, she sighs, "Bloody hell. Thank merlin that's over with."

_She wasn't that bad,_ I try to protest, doing the mental equivalent of a shrug.

"She was a bitch," Roxy says, "I don't like her."

_She's here because she wants to help._

"No, she's here because it's her job, and she's getting paid to be here. She thinks I'm just another nut."

_To be fair,_ I counter, _you are talking to yourself._

Her front falls, and she collapses back onto her bed, eyes shut. Neither of us speak until the sound of hushed voices ushers her back into consciousness.

"Mum said she was awake earlier."

"Well she's not awake now."

"Maybe we should wake her up."

"Or maybe we shouldn't."

"But Ted-"

"But what?"

"But I need her to-"

"You need her to what?"

"I need her.." There's a pause, and in her mind's eye, Roxy can see her brother's shoulders slumping, "I need her to be okay."

Teddy sighs, and there's the sound of movement, "your sister might not be a Gryffindor like us, but she's got twice our guts put together. I promise you Fred. I promise you she's going to be fine."

Roxy's stomach clenches.

"That's not what the doctors say."

"What the psychologist said, was that she's most likely in the early stages of post-traumatic stress disorder, and that we're going to have to give her space and time to recover."

You can tell when Teddy's in one of his serious moods by the way he speaks. He tends to underplay his intelligence unless there's a real need for it. That's when he starts using long sentences, loses his regional accent and begins to sound authoritative and haughty.

"And really I wouldn't bother listening to anything that woman says, she has no idea what she's talking about," he continues, "it's her first week here. Psychologists are good for nothing without experience about which techniques actually work, and Caroline Jordan does not have that experience. All she has is a fancy degree and parents who are going to depend on her salary just as much as she does."

There's a pause, "I'm sorry, are you Sherlock Holmes now? We talked to her for all of three minutes."

"Her parents are friends with Harry. You've probably met them; Lee and Marietta Jordan. I know Lee used to be close to your Dad, but I don't know what thinks are like between them any more."

"Oh."

She silence holds, until eventually Teddy coughs, "I'm going to go and get some water. I should be - well, if she wakes up, come find me."

There's only the most minuscule of pauses before his rapid footsteps leave the room.

As soon as she's sure the door is shut, Roxy's eyes snap open.

"Has he gone?" She whispers hoarsely, propping herself up on her elbows, turning her head towards the doorway. There's no sign of Ted anywhere.

For a brief second, she shuts her eyes, then she turns her head slowly to come face to face with her brother, her Freddie.

To both her relief and shock, he's not crying. He doesn't even look particularly upset, he just looks... thoughtful. He's perched on a blue plastic chair at the side of her bed, leaning forwards, watching her closely.

"Rox..." he mumbles, "you're awake."

She nods slowly, "Yeah. Yeah, I am."

Slowly, she reaches her hand out to take his.

He doesn't move.

She presses on, enclosing her fingers carefully around his fist.

Flinching ever so slightly, he stays motionless.

"Freddie?" Her voice quivers.

"I can't believe you did it. I can't believe you went into that house."

"Fred-"

_Don't tell him you're sorry,_ I cut her off with the thought, _you'll make it worse._

She hesitates, pulling her hand away and holding it close to her chest, "I was just trying to have some fun. I didn't think -"

"Damn right you didn't think," his eyes narrow into slits, "you were _stupid_. What if you'd been killed?!"

Tears spring into her eyes. This isn't what she fucking needs right now.

"Do you know what you've put us through? Do you know what it felt like for me? You didn't turn up to dinner. When I asked Rose where you were she said you'd gone to bed early. She lied for you - Rose lied for you. Rose Weasley, the biggest fucking prude on the planet lied for you."

Normally she'd be angry with him for what he said about Rose. Now, it's too much.

The first streak of wetness runs down Freddie's cheek, and he brushes it away, glaring at her, his bottom lip shaking.

"She thinks it's her fault. She thinks she should have stayed with you and it wouldn't have happened. She thinks maybe if she'd come clean a few hours earlier you'd have been okay. She told me -"

His voice breaks, and he brings a hand up to his mouth, tears spilling over.

"She told me she'd rather die than have you get hurt because of her. Every day she's been down here talking to you while you've been asleep, telling you how sorry she is. We get the owl from your Mum saying you'd woken up, and suddenly she's too scared to come anywhere near you. You've put her through hell. Never mind how I've felt, how Mum's felt, how _Dad's_ felt."

A pit opens up in Roxy's stomach. No. No. He needs to stop. He needs to stop doing this right now. She can't take it any longer. The way he's looking at her, like she's betrayed him, like she's the worst person in the world...

Freddie pauses for exactly half a second, and then his jaw slackens.

"Fuck," he mumbles, "fuck, Roxy, I-"

Without warning, he throws his arms around her neck, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug.

She busts into tears.

"Oh no, don't cry. Don't cry," he whispers through choked sobs, "please don't cry, you can't cry. I'm sorry, please don't."

At this point, Roxy is incapable of reply. Her arms are wrapped around Freddie, clutching him so tightly it must hurt, her nails digging into his skin through the back of his shirt.

Tears stream down her cheeks and she doubles over, pressing her face into her brother's shoulder, still clinging onto him for dear life.

"I- I- I'm-m sorry. I'm so sorry, I didn't t-t-think- I'd never 'ave- Never- I wouldn't-"

She's completely catatonic. Her breathing's too fast, her heart's pounding, her body shudders with every breath she takes.

_Roxy,_

I speak to her over Freddie; there's no way she can hear what he's trying to tell her.

_Roxy calm down. He doesn't blame you. Nobody blames you. I promise, everything is going to be okay but you need to calm down._

She's listening. Listening is good. She doesn't believe me, but she's listening. It's a start.

_Please. He's angry, but not at you. He's Freddie, he couldn't ever be angry at you. He needs you. He needs you to be okay and you can do that for him, if you really really try, so please try. For him._

It's bullshit, but I know that's the only thing that'll make her calm down. Even as I'm finishing the sentence, she starts to take huge, gulping breaths of air, pulling away from her brother.

"N-no," she whispers hoarsely, "no, I'm - get off me. I'm f-"

She can't quite finish the word 'fine', but the meaning comes across. She wrenches herself away from him, wiping her face fiercely and taking a few seconds to compose herself.

"I'm okay," she manages to mutter to herself. "I'm fine. I've got this. I've got it."

Her eyes open slowly, one last stray tear tumbling down before she looks up at Freddie.

"Please," she says quietly, trying to hold his gaze, "don't say anything. You don't have to. I'm-"

Her lip wobbles, and she threatens to break down again, but I focus my concentration onto Freddie, thinking it might help her keep her calm. Apparently, it does help, and she regains control of herself, pulling her knees up into her chest and wrapping her arms around them.

"Look, don't say anything."

He reaches out to touch her shoulder.

"_Don't_,"

He backs off, wary.

For half a second I think Roxy's going to burst into tears again, but she catches herself, pressing her emotions down inside her, forcing herself to concentrate on Freddie's face, just Freddie's face. She exhales.

"Please," her voice is quiet, barely a whisper, "can we just... start again, okay?"

Part of her hopes that he's going to take back everything he said, but he's Freddie - he won't. Not if he doesn't mean it.

He nods, eyes fixated on the ground.

Finally, after what seems like hours, he opens his mouth, "I'm sorry for being so... blunt." He looks like he's about to burst into tears, "I didn't think..."

_Damn right you didn't think you little-_

_Don't you dare,_ she cuts me off abruptly. _Don't you dare even think about saying one word. Unless you know what the hell I can tell him you keep your mouth shut._

I oblige, stepping back mentally, trying to give her room to think. Merlin knows she needs it.

Her lip trembles. Her hands shake. But she stares resolutely at her brother, willing him to return her gaze.

He doesn't move.

Slowly, she untangles her arms from where they're positioned, wrapped around her knees, and reaches out to him.

He flinches as her hand touches his shoulder.

"Freddie... look at me," her voice is gentle.

After half a second his head gives a tiny, but definite shake.

Roxy slides her legs off side of the bed, the cold floor a shock against her bare feet.

He still doesn't look up.

"F-Fred..." she mumbles. "Please."

Shifting all of her weight onto her feet, she stands up, taking the tiniest of steps towards him, and then wrapping her arms around him. Her head falls into his shoulder, and she slumps against him, burying her face in the fabric of his hoodie and inhaling the oh-so familiar stench of family.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, forcing back tears and leaning against him as his arms curl around her protectively, "I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I didn't mean it. I _swear_ I didn't mean for it to happen."

Freddie presses his lips against her forehead, "No, shh. 'Course you didn't know, you couldn't have known!"

His hushed voice takes on a desperate quality, one that Roxy's more than familiar with from all the times he's tried to calm her down, when she's seemed like she was going into one of her hysterical fits.

That frustrates her. He thinks she's on the edge of losing it completely, and she's not. Inexplicably, but undeniably... fine. She feels fine. Even in the last few seconds she's gotten a hold on her emotions, focusing on her brother and pointedly ignoring my existence.

Instead of replying to him, she pulls away, stepping backwards to seat herself on the edge of the bed, watching him, giving him a confident smile. No, confident isn't the right word. She looks.. reassuring.

She sighs very slightly, biting her lip, "I should talk to Mum and Dad. I wanted to talk to Mum before, but I just couldn't bear Dad. He's.." she trails off, "Has he been really bad?"

Freddie gives the most minute of nods, eyes on the ground.

"And Rose?" She asks, expression slightly fearful, "is she really that cut up?"

His face twists into a slight smirk, gesturing towards her marred face, "Not as bad as you are."

She snorts, bringing her hand up to her face and trying to keep herself from smiling too much, "Can you keep her away till they heal it? I don't want her to have to see me like this, it's not fair. And tell her it's not her fault. Please?"

He nods again, still smiling very slightly, and then rises to his feet. "I'll send in Mum and Dad, if you want. Or Teddy.." his smirk reappears, "if you'd prefer."

Her face turns a deep shade of purple.

"No!" She says the word too quickly, desperately avoiding his eyes, "I'm gonna- I mean- I mean yes, but.. Mum and Dad first. Please? Go get them. I... th-thank-you."

"'Course," he breaks into a grin, "try not to worry about Dad too much though, he'll be fine. S'long as you keep your cool and turn your head.." he touches her cheek, moving her face to the side so that the scar falls into shadow. "There. Perfect."

She sticks her tongue out at him.

"Jerk."

"Ugly," he shoots back, without so much as blinking.

"Gay."

"Pan-sexual!" He folds his arms across his chest, scowling indignantly, "why d'you need to go labelling everything anyway?"

Roxy rolls her eyes, "Get out of here. Tell Rose and Gracie I'm fine though, will you?" He nods. "And tell Teddy, um.." she twirls her finger around one of the curls in her hair, "tell him if he wants, I'll, uh, I'll still be, um, here, after Mum and Dad have, er, gone. Or something."

"Really?" He raises his eyebrows, grinning, "Really? Are you actually kidding me?"

She ignores him, staring straight down at the quilt, cheeks burning.

"I'll tell him," he ruffles her hair quietly, before turning on his heel, stepping out into the hallway. Even as he walks away, we can still tell that plastered onto his face is the huge, patented, Fred Weasley smirk.

* * *

**LONG TIME NO SEE!**

**Oh, guys, I'm sorry for being so rubbish, and I don't really have any excuses. Yeah, I've had lots of GCSE's, but it's not like I've been revising for any of them. And I've been really caught up running this new Sherlock blog of mine on tumblr (check it out - before-series-three dot tumblr dot com), so a lot of my time has gone into making everything that's been submitted over there, but really me absence has been down to writer's block. I'd just sit there and stare at the chapter and have no idea what's coming next. I've been trying to get this one done for about three weeks now, and there's been nothing. I'm still not happy with what I have now, but it's going to have to do. My little edity bunny is yet to have a look at it, because that jerk decided that sleep was more important than my writing. I know - ridiculous. I'll pin him down and make him do it tomorrow, so that I can go back over this and iron out all the kinks.  
**

**On top of that, hopefully I should be getting a little more inspired on my stories soon, as I've found someone who's going to read each of them and, quote, "tear them apart". Now as horrendous as that sounds, the kind of criticism I'll hopefully be getting from him is going to help me to improve my writing, which is really everything that these stories are about.  
**

**As to this chapter, I already said I'm not very happy to it. I'm not really sure about Freddie and Roxy's characterisation, and although the feedback I've had so far is that it's good, I don't think I'll ever really have enough confidence in my writing to trust in that. On top of that, apparently, even though I've tried my best to keep it to a minimum, as far as the characters go, I really don't think I can take out all the swearing. I don't know where anyone else lives, but I go to a British high school, I'm fifteen, and as far as my experience from every day life goes - the characters in this story are practically saints. The normal greeting call of a teenage**** English girl tends to go something along the lines of "OI YOU FUCKIN' SKET". I know. It's horrific. Don't come to britain, our accents are overrated and you'll never get to meet Benedict Cumberbatch.**

**Point is, Roxy and her friend's interactions are based on my experiences of how life works. JKR's character's didn't swear because it was a children's book. My characters swear because that's what teenagers do. It's just a part of life. And I fail to understand how reading the word 'fuck' can even possibly offend anyone. It's just a word. Exactly the same as if I'd written 'cat', or 'tree', or 'shit'. Quite literally they're just different combinations of letters. I promise I'm working on keeping it to a minimum, but there will always be swearing. I can't get rid of it. I'm really sorry if that disappoints anyone or if anyone's offended by a combination of letters said by a shockingly unrealistically polite seventeen year old.**

**Oh, by the way, I almost forgot to mention! For the purpose of getting more reviews, I tried to submit this story to mugglenet fanfiction. After five or six lengthy emails, I was rejected because my story doesn't stick to canon. Even after I tried to explain why everything that's happening is happening, they still argued and argued, including stupid, petty technicalities like, 'oh, well i'm sure they'd have shut down the shrieking shack or put a guard at the entrance or something'. It got to the point that I just decided it wasn't worth the effort any more. I don't resent the website, and really, I'm sad for them that they would reject a story based on it not being, in their view, disregarding the actual content of the plotline. That's just what I think, though.**

**Anyway, reviews are ALWAYS appreciated, and if anyone has anything that they want to say, positive or negative, please just shoot me a private message or review or something along those lines.**

**Apart from that, thank you for reading, and I should be back at some point before the end of the week to update 'Turned to Dust', one of my other stories. Apologies for being so crap lately, though, however much I've already said that.**

**Talking too much. Okay.**

**Thanks for reading, again, and I hope you have a really great day.**

**-Hannah :)**


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